I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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