god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
