Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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