oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
