'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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