there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
