Dual....:-)
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
