I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
