She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
