My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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