if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
