We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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