I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
