Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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