We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
