why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
