nut hugger
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
