these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
