the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
