If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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