My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
