She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
