i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
