i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
