the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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