Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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