If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
