he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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