The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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