Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
