O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
