You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
