Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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