No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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