Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
