it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
