Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
