A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
