I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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