i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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