remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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