You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
