just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
