I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
