oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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