i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
