so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
