I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
