I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
