I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
