ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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