Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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