I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
