Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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