If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
