I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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