I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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