bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
