I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
