nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
