So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
