Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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