Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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