I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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