I hate your face
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
