I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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