She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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