Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
