My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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