its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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