franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
