I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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