i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
