So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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