I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
